Funny Headlines

· Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
· Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
· Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
· House passes gas tax onto senate
· Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
· Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
· William Kelly was fed secretary
· Milk drinkers are turning to powder
· Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
· Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
· Farmer bill dies in house
· Iraqi head seeks arms
· Queen Mary having bottom scraped
· Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
· Prostitutes appeal to Pope
· Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
· NJ judge to rule on nude beach
· Child's stool great for use in garden
· Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
· Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
· Organ festival ends in smashing climax
· Eye drops off shelf
· Squad helps dog bite victim
· Dealers will hear car talk at noon
· Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
· Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
· Miners refuse to work after death
· Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
· Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
· Never withhold herpes from loved one
· Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
· Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
· Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
· If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
· War dims hope for peace
· Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
· Cold wave linked to temperatures
· Child's death ruins couple's holiday
· Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
· Man is fatally slain
· Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
· Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation