Andy Newton died today.

Greensboro Times
December25th 2104


OBITUARIES COLUMN
Merry Christmas Edition


Andrew C. Newton, universally famous sociologist dies today at 119. He was survived by his parents Lee and Cindy Newton. His loving wife and 14 beautiful children. Andrew Newton will be remembered as a innovative and influencial sociologist who came up with several sociological theories that were so genius that they made Marx and Weber look like morons. His ideas revolutionized modern society as we knew it.
Newton died today during a freak dogsledding accident. While sledding he hit a rock and flew off landing in front of the dogs, they then accidentaly trampled him into the snow, almost killing him. The 12 sled dogs then turned around a came back to him, and proceeded to eat his body alive, this took about 4 hours.
There will be a viewing for Newton's head at 6:00 P.M. this Saturday evening, and the funeral service will Be Sunday afternoon at 3:00.

Here is a picture of what the dog's left.